On Knowing your Great Calling in Life

like one wonders every now and then when gazing at her phone screen

This is a reaction to the post Resist that calling. It’s probably not your purpose in life by Fred Swaniker. Mr. Swaniker is the founder and formal CEO of African Leadership Group which has under its wings the AL Academy, AL Network, AL University and Africa Advisory Group. His goal in life is to bring positive change to the African continent by identifying, developing and connecting three million game-changing leaders in Africa by 2060.

With the help of his own recent experience of starting the AL University project, Mr. Swaniker offers his insight and advice to other young Africans who wonder what their calling should be in this world. He started by establishing how ordinary his childhood had been and how thanks to different government and other international initiatives he was able to afford a good education. Because of that, he always felt like he had a special calling for his life, a greater responsibility to the African continent, and whenever faced with social injustice he felt compelled to do something about it.

When he thinks of his own experience and the advice that he would give to young Africans who are often faced with the same dilemma, Mr. Swaniker has three questions that should help us decide on whether or not one should be involved in a given initiative:

1. Is it big enough?
2. Am I uniquely positioned more than almost anyone else in the world to make this happen?
3. Am I truly passionate? (i.e. does this issue pass the sleepless night test?)

According to Mr. Swaniker, if any of the answers to these three questions is no, then you should keep on with your life, because dear inspired and ambitious African pal, this is not your call.

I read this piece after seeing it shared by three of my Rwandan friends on Facebook with positive comments of inspiration. It is very well written and explains why these questions are the right ones to ask. Besides, it gives a real life example to show how these three questions were applied in an actual big decision making moment and helped the author realize this big step towards his dream.

However, recently I got to visit a friend with whom I watched the Bible series (the episode of the Exodus) and got to read Moses’ calling from the burning bush. A couple of things stood up to me and reminded me of this post. Moses’ calling and mission to free the Israelites from the Egyptian slavery is one of the biggest turning points in history. Not only because Moses brought God’s people back to their land where all the events had to happen to prepare the way for the savior, but also because it is from Moses that we have the first five books of the Bible, books that set the foundation on who God is, who people are, and what their relationship with God is and ought to be. So I think that I am not wrong to say that Moses’ work was his calling and purpose in life. I think that it is a great counter-example to Mr. Swaniker’s three-question theorem.

1. Is it big enough? we would agree that Moses’ mission is big because it changed lives of more than a million Israelites who had been enslaved in Egypt for more than four centuries and had lost hope of ever being free again. It also restarted the history of humans and YHWH, the God who was once friends with Abraham but had been forgotten to the point that He had to reintroduce himself to Moses. This is the great history that more than a billion people in the world still believe in. So I think that yes the mission was big enough.
2. Am I uniquely positioned for the job? I would not say that Moses or anyone at the time was uniquely positioned for this. When God appeared to Moses, he was a guy who had fled Egypt after committing a murder. Moses himself asked God “who am I that you would send me to Pharaoh?” I am sure that Moses had some qualities, but he was surely not uniquely positioned more than anyone else in the world to do this. That’s why God in reply just said “I will go with you”. So it is God who was uniquely positioned and chose him to do His work. From reading Exodus 3 and 4, I actually think that Moses was convinced that he was absolutely not the guy for the job! Sure, he had had the advantage of growing up in Pharaoh’s palace and would have learned to be a leader. On the other hand however, he knew very little about his people since he had never lived with them. Besides, Israelites were an organized group in Egypt with elders and leaders, so Moses was surely not the only person with leadership skills at the time.
3. Am I truly passionate? It is true that Moses killed an Egyptian who was attacking a Jewish slave. That however might as well have been an angry reaction that some people would have if they saw their fellow ones mistreated. I say this because after the incident Moses fled the country, founded a family in Midian and didn’t go back to Egypt until God came to find him about 40 years later. So again, I don’t think that Moses couldn’t sleep at night because of the suffering of his people in Egypt, but it was rather God who couldn’t bare seeing his children suffer any more.

It is true that a lot in this world needs fixing. However, as a believer it is important to be able to distinguish an inspirational speech that sounds good and practical from what God would want you to do. Another detail to notice is that when Moses received his big mission he must have been in his eighties. This is another reminder that although your calling might be there, it might not come to you in your twenties. What’s important is to stay ready to answer whenever the call comes. Until then, do not try to boost your own ego by proving how unique you are for doing what you are doing.
Last but not least, beware of your own laziness that might always convince you that you are never the right person to do whatever needs to be done. It is very possible and easy to never find yourself “uniquely positioned” for anything if you decide to rely on your own abilities and confidence. At the end of the day it is not about how great you are at it, but how great God working in you is! So don’t boast and don’t complain, just wake up and go if you are called at it!

Note: While I made this analysis from a believer’s point of view, there are lots of examples outside of the bible that would show that not all callings have to necessarily fulfill the three questions mentioned above. For fear of making this post unbearably/unnecessarily long, I did not include them but would love  to discuss those in the comments on request.

Losing a Friend who’s your Age.

It was last Sunday after church. I got back to my apartment, reopened the computer and went straight to Visual Studio. This was  the only Sunday that I didn’t check Facebook after church because of a class project deadline.

Around 2 pm a friend called me asking what had happened to Sudi. Of course I didn’t know. She said that people were saying R.I.P on a picture of him that someone had made a profile. Still on the phone I opened Facebook, saw the picture of Gerard standing with Sudi, both smiling (that smile). I scrolled down to see the RIP comments and Gerard’s comment of disbelief.

-Well?

That was my friend on the phone. I had forgotten that she was there. I asked her if she had any details. She said she didn’t; she was hoping for me to know more (I should have known more). I asked her to call someone in California and get more details. Then I hang up and sent messages to everyone I could think of: What the hell has happened to Sudi?

waiting on a notification…

30 seconds passed, then a minute, then two… If you want to know how long a minute is, try waiting for an update about someone’s possible death. I checked the phone more than ten times. Checking, turning it off, checking again, nothing, turning it off again. After about 2 and ½ minutes all the answers came at once

“sha byarangiye!”, “he is gone”, “I can’t believe it he is dead”, “he had a car accident last night, he’s dead”

He is dead… My heart sunk deep in my stomach and for a second I thought that it would never get back to my chest again. my feet got cold in a flash and I started shaking. Thankfully I was sitting down, otherwise I am sure that my feet wouldn’t have helped for anything much. I stared at the phone for a minute, trying to understand that I was then living in a world where Sudi Nsengiyumva was no more. Suddenly a surge of tears from nowhere blinded my eyes. I was almost suffocating. Then a broken voice got out. I thought it was my heart coming back to its place. My friend called back.

-Sha, he got hit by a car.

-Yeah, I just heard

-Are you crying?

(Am I crying?) -I think I am!

-Well, I don’t know the right thing to say. I am sorry. It’s so sad. Bye

We shouldn’t be getting to deal with loss. We are not even old enough to know what to say when such things happen…

When I got back on Facebook some people were saying that he was actually not dead yet. My heart almost did that thing again but this time, I felt it in my throat. Is he in a coma? Someone’s gotta pray. It was 3:30ish pm; the perfect time to implore God’s mercy on the 15th hour of the day. So I fell to my knees and started imploring God’s grace and mercy. I was hoping to see someone follow up with a comment on how he was likely to wake up. So I prayed and kept checking Facebook. But comments kept being R.I.P, condolences and stay strong. But I didn’t want to stay strong. I don’t think anybody wanted to. we just wanted Sudi not to be dead yet. We wanted him to be savable. But it seemed like God was pushing us to stop imploring for his life and start grieving.

But how do you grieve in this country? I started crying loudly alone in my apartment. The sudden realization of the loneliness of my life made it worse. One factor of grieving is finding people who share the loss and finding the emotional support that you all can find by only knowing that you share the good memories of the departed. But here I was in my one bedroom apartment, without the strength to call anybody, and also knowing that no call will make me feel the hug or even a tap on the shoulder that I so physically needed at the moment.

Fear crept in on me too. If a friend this young and this close can die, who can’t? I remember my mother’s words when I left home: “Please do your best to stay safe. It would crush me to have to receive your body at the airport.” I can’t start to imagine the pain that his family is going through now. Raising a son who is the pride of the family and the pride of the country, a son with such a promising and bright future to only lose him on a car accident on a Saturday evening. So suddenly, so unexpectedly.

How do we mourn such a young bright person?

Finally I decided to call the people who were even closer to him than I was (not that I was comparing heartaches). My cousin who shared a desk with him for the six years of primary school for example. We talked about Sudi and our memories of him. We cried and ended up finding humor in the conversation. The high school colleagues who are dispersed through the states and couldn’t just fly to California because Monday is a class and work day. Some of them were still hopeful that the situation could change. After all, only one neurosurgeon had declared his brain dead.

Is this our fate? Dying and getting mourned through phone calls?

I wanted to write as a tribute to Sudi but I still can’t get myself to talk about him in the past. All I can say is that he is surely gone too soon.

Till we meet again…

P.S. A friend created a gofundme account to raise the necessary funds needed to bring Sudi back home. Please help if you can. Thank you.

Eating alone in the crowd

I am hungry and I didn't  pack lunch. Because you know I haven't  cooked anything in about 2 weeks. But that's  a story for another day. Anyway,  I know I can't  go to any of the fast food places near my lab because you know I am on this track to loose a few pounds (although not so few since looking like Lupita is my end goal! No kidding). But that also is a story for another day.
Where was I? Yeah, on the hungry part... so I take the bus to the student center (MSC) where I hope to find my friend  and get her to have lunch with me, or watch me have lunch since she must have had her own already (it's 1:15). But my friend has already left! If I had known before leaving my lab that she wasn't going to be there, I probably wouldn't have gone. Who am I kidding, I mentioned I was hungry right? So yeah I would have gone anyway.
The MSC is packed. This is Gig'em week so all freshmen excited to be at A&M are spending their last days of summer making new friends and enjoying as many activities as they can. In addition, today the international student conference is taking place. So most new students (thousands of them) are at the MSC! It's overwhelming, it reminds me of those expos back home!
I get there and automatically think of going back. But again I am too hungry. Besides,  I do so well with people that finding one group of people to have lunch with in all thousands of them is not a hard task. Yeah I am some sort of  extrovert!  Or so have I been told!
So I go in, trying to make eye contact with people but lowering my head as they get closer and starting to feel all these insecure feelings. After I order my food, I get in the dilemma of finding a seat. what if he is racist, what if she doesn't like internationals, he'll think that I am hitting on him (most of them are quite good looking; God is an artist!), she doesn't look very social, why isn't he returning the smile? She's probably waiting on her actual friends instead of trying to make new ones, he's already on his phone....
So I just sit by myself and hope that someone would come to sit with me. We would have warm conversations about this crazy big place that's  so hard to get around, how overwhelming we both feel about classes starting in 4 days, how hot it gets around here (which would lead us to talk about the weather back in our respective homes)...
But while I am waiting I need to look normal.

ps. image taken from an article “never eat alone and other secrets to success”

 
So I take out my phone and catch up on my Medium feed. It's an interesting post about women behind strong women. The post is talking about the kind of things I have always wanted to say about my mother. So I dive in for 4 minutes forgetting about my current environment. 
When I finish the read, there is a guy sitting one chair on the side in front of me. When did he get here? What if he said hi and i didn't hear? He looks like he is from the Middle East so he probably thinks that I am racist or that I thought that he was hitting on me, or that I am just not social, or that I don't like internationals, or that I am waiting on my actual friends. Or may be he doesn't care and wants to have his lunch alone. Either way I can't  talk to him now because he is done with his slice of pizza and is getting ready to leave. I quickly finish my lunch and get back to work too. I might not be an introvert, but I surely become awkward sometimes!

It Takes a Bullet: Ladies, how do you break into this men’s world?

A week ago Malala Yousafzai, 17 years old from Pakistan, received the 2014 Peace Nobel Prize. Just like all the news that covered her story,  my next sentence should be that she is the girl who was shot in the head by extremist Taliban men who oppose-and are ready to kill against- what she was fighting for, that being nothing but education for everyone. Well since young boys are already encouraged to go to school, let’s say that she is fighting for including girls and women in the picture.

Malala would be an example of what a feminist is in my definition of the term. She believes that women, as part of the same species as men, ought to be respected by the laters. She believes that and she is ready to explain it to anybody who struggles with accepting the truth. In her speech she says that a girl should not only be mother, a sister or a wife, but a human being with rights.

I also think that women deserve to be treated with respect. Why do I believe that? Because they are humans, and respect is a feeling that humans naturally fight to get from each other. I believe that any human being has the right to aspire for his/her own happiness, which goes together with the responsibility to let others strive for theirs too.

Education is one way of expanding toward independence. The logic is that the more educated you get more respect you would earn. However, a girl shouldn’t expect to be an average student just like anybody else. At least not when what she wants to achieve is respect and fairness. To be a candidate key when people are thinking of whose technical skills to use, a girl will have to work twice as hard as her fellow male colleague. The truth is that she has to work hard enough to shake the ground on which most people comfortably stand that says that women are less able to do the same work than men. It is easier for men to tolerate that kind of situation where they are the real doers and women are there to be flattered.

But what happens when one woman, a young girl dares to believe the “girls can do it” theoretic saying? Trouble emerges. This is in fact one of those things that we say without expecting anyone to take them seriously. And the one who believes it become a feminist. Feminist. A person with whom no boy wants to have a conversation with because she succeeds to relate any topic to girls’ rights.

And whenever one perseveres in her belief in equality, Malala is one extreme example of how far the fight could go. It takes a bullet in the head.

Thou Shalt Not Be Killed

Genesis 4 gives an account of the first act of violence since creation of man, and that is the murder of Abel by his jealous brother Cain. The interesting thing is that before that time, the only law that we heard from God is “but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” Since the fruit had been eaten by the young man’s parents, Cain knew that what he had done was wrong in the eyes of God. The second thing to notice is that Cain’s jealousy comes from the fact he wanted to be approved by God. How many times man can end up turning himself away from God despite the great desire of getting closer to Him!

Longing for approval

Dear God, can’t you just see how hard I try? A question that, if I haven’t asked it myself, I have more than once seen on people’s faces when they complain about their misfortunes. The fact is that no one being just to themselves thinks that they are evil. I mean, if I got hungry to the point of stealing some bread, shouldn’t God blame the system that didn’t make it easy for me to earn my own? On the other hand though, if I work so hard to earn my living, doesn’t it sound divinely fair that I punish those unwilling creatures who wait to take advantage of my hard work without my consent?

Coming back to Cain, I hope that we understand the deception in his heart when God did not like his offerings.I do not know what his thoughts were, but I can guess something like, “But if you are God and did not bless the soil enough for crops to be good, how could you blame me when I offer what I have got?” And on top of that God is pleased with the animal offerings of brother Abel. But that is just unfair. Yes because God knows better, He knows all the truth, He knows that I am assigned to working on a cursed soil because of the sin of my father and Abel does not deal with it since he is just a shepherd.

Some of us keep working the earth. People around do not even give a single caring stare, and those who do end up not appreciating the work done. The hope is that at the end of the day, as the French once said, “rira bien qui rira le dernier!” But since God is not predictable, sometimes the last day is no different from the routine. So basically, having lost approval from the people-whom you cannot blame since they do not know the full story, we even lose approval from the one whose only judgement counts. He who knows that the reasons of our different goodness is mostly attached to our roots.

“Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground.”

Previously in Genesis 3 we are given the different curses resulting from the first sin. And here it is clear that Cain’s profession seems to be closer to the curse Adam received. I wonder what it could have been for Cain to spend every day vaulted on an infertile soil and probably thinking of the curse of his father. He is the typical man we all know; that one who does the least respected job. He is the perfect example for what a failure is, and we want our kids to study hard so they don’t become like him. When something is missing he is the first that comes on our list of suspects. And it is with no surprise that we find him culpable. For what he deserves, we think better of ourselves when we just put him in prison, for such a dangerous man should not live with the normal people. He is a cursed man, and no one knows what he could do to change that. Some people are just not good, will we say the next time they incarcerate him for assaulting his wife.

The Cursed vs the Protege

Genesis depicts Abel as a passive man. He did not brag about how appealing his offer was to God, neither did he defend himself enough for the detail to be mentioned in the bible. He is the good brother who, in our judgement, is liked by everyone without trying so hard. God’s blessing on him is so obvious that we wish we had the same favor. So when Cain kills Abel, he is aiming at getting on God’s nerves more than he wants his brother dead. And when God asks him where his brother is, Cain’s answer is something like, “you still can’t see me even after he is not here anymore?” The ignoble act that he has done added to the insolent answer that he gives cost him a worsened curse on the soil that he works.

However, All Cain did was so that he could get closer to God. And the more he tried the farther he got. His offering was not pleasing but it was okay, then he got rid of the competition and there he was cursed to finish his days wandering the earth.

Should a man like him live?

Cain knew what the punishment meant. Whoever finds him should kill him. That’s what justice means, isn’t it? We all still have the memory of the good and sweet kid that Abel was. A child with big dreams, full of life, who had such a bright future that got cut off by a drug addict, racist, psychopath,… We unanimously agree that justice must be done and the ultimate justice needed to honor the memory of the poor child is the death penalty. We do not want to hear about who the other guy is. We know he is a murderer and so he must die. Statistics in the USA show that more than 150 people have been executed since 2010. That is an average of 50 people who are sentenced in courts every year.

But a man like him should not be killed either

For if Cain is killed, God will make sure that he is avenged for seven times. This might be the first word of tenderness since man committed the first sin. God has been busy giving punishments that we are almost losing his face of a happy creator who brought everything to life because it looked good. In fact, Cain who was born not early enough to know the nature of God when things were still good in Eden does not expect God to even care about what his life will be from now on. besides, even before he killed his brother, Cain dealt with the complex of not being visible in the eyes of God. So what a surprising declaration when God says that He will protect him? Here lies the promise that we never run far enough from God to the point of losing his attention. Yes we are sinners and do unspeakable things, but that does not erase our name from God’s heart.

One Curse, One Salvation for All

The idea that a bad person should keep getting worse despite the effort we put in him seems to omit the fact that Cain was not the only cursed person on earth. We are all unworthy creatures who sin every day but live by the grace of the most high. While we possess the divine right of guarding the earth and keeping it in order-although the chaos we create on the way ends up being greater, we do not have the right to shut someone else’s life. First because the person is Abel who is harmless and deserves more in life, and second because he is Cain whose forehead God has marked and to whom God promised that his blood, if shed, will be avenged seven times.

Since Everyone Is 10 In Their Own Base…Respect Boundaries

Did you enjoy working with binary numbers? Well, do not worry about the answer you give, because my guess is you are not the only one with the same problem (because it’s a problem either way). For me it is both the unwilling spirit I have studying the subject and the constant reality that I will never run far enough from it-given my computer science major- that bothers me whenever I read the classic joke, “There are 10 kinds of people; those who understand binary numbers and those who don’t.” Like, who finds this one funny, really?

For that matter I will tell you one thing and that is that the base is but a variable that any value can legitimately replace. For example, if you talk about numbers from King 10’s perspective, then you will have a 2, and 2 has several characteristics associated to it depending on what we can or cannot do with it. For example, we like 2 because it tells us when aliens are odd or even, it helps us create antagonists, because while other numbers can divide, I find it more interesting when we are only left with two parties.

But what if you would see things with Mr. (most likely Ms.) 2’s eyes? You would realize that she doesn’t see herself as 2. In fact, when she refers to herself in her own language, she is a 10. Ten’s people like to use her for divisions, but when she is in her own environment she can tell you when things are positive or negative. She would tell you when life is on or off, alive or dead.

By now, I hope I have established my credits as a student who understands what Binary means. Now let me save you from the traumatizing/boring matters of the geek world and use simple English.

Who you call me does matter. Depending on who you say that I am, you will judge me capable of certain things and be surprised when you find some new things that I can do. You want to call me something? Simply call me normal. That way you will learn from me many things that will be surprising at first but end up being pretty cool, or just disturbing but still okay. Or just call me human. Because when you call me a girl, sometimes your implication is so loud that I can almost hear you asking me to do all the girls’ work, or worse, I can hear you reproaching me for not behaving like one. But did you know? Did you know that I don’t see myself as a girl just as I do not see you as a guy? We all are but numbers that live each in its base, and we should not interfere in each other’s world and start suggesting how one should behave. Actually, why don’t you call me stranger instead? That way, there will not be a genre or color or special abilities attached, and that will give me a chance to introduce and define myself before you start using me.

However, if you want to call me something more, take your time and get to know me. Because unlike the silent 2, mistaking me for something else will not make me do anything to meet your expectations. And I hoped this last sentence did not influence you into calling me vicious.

To my beautiful Rwandan sister if I should have one

Did you watch that video? If not, you need to do so before proceeding with this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdMaEEw6u5Q

It made me think of that saying that if you enjoy the fragrance of roses you must accept the thorns it bears. You can’t just be a rose. You will have many thorns around you and if you don’t learn to handle them, there might be a day when only thorns will be visible and the rose in you be completely chocked in.

Among the thorns will be those who will just hate you because you are a rose-beautiful. The thought that anybody who speaks of good thinks of you will be unbearable to them. Should we call them jealous? Yes, or even haters if you will. They will typically be talented in something that you can’t do well-at least not as well as they do it-and will always find a way of defying you on that one thing. Should you hide and run when they are around, no. Why don’t you beat them at their game girl? Read, exercise and be good. And more importantly, don’t open the battle yourself, but when they bring it on you again with that grace in your smile that only you can give, say three words may be five, no more than 8 to knock them down. It will always work.

But for that you need to read. Of course, someone before me already told you may be the opposite of what I am saying here. But let me tell you something, there is a lot more to life than being a rose. That’s as right as there is more to life than being a Socrates you know? To make it far in this world you have got to have them both together, and if you will to choose one of the two Bs (beauty and brains), may I suggest that you pick the later?

I will go far and give you examples. Take the most beautiful and charming Cleopatra. The legend of all times whose beauty “as we are told, was in itself neither altogether incomparable, nor such as to strike those who saw her.” Rather, what ultimately made Cleopatra attractive were her wit, charm and “sweetness in the tones of her voice.” (Life of Anthony, Plutarch). Most depict her as the woman who used her charm to seduce the powerful men of the western-which she did-but charm had more to it than being a silent rose.

The other thorns of course will be the admirers. That one whose look tells you that as long as you are pretty what’s on your head doesn’t count. They will tell you that the two Bs have never lived in one head at once anyway. They will make you think that you have been lucky enough to stay with beauty and encourage you to not go after brains. It’s up to you to believe it or not. But what makes this harder is that laziness will help their noise be even bigger in your head.

Don’t be discouraged. Remember that the fact that you are a rose means that thorns have got to be there and don’t allow them to win it over you. Stand up and fight for your own share of the sun. Because after all, who is it to blame when you are not confident enough to stand still on stage? Your teacher, your parents and economic insufficiency might be suggestions to this question, but you hopefully know that the one who will get the blame for your own failures is you.

As for me, I count it a felicity that I was born not a breathtaking beauty, and that being said I hope I did not sound like one of the thorns. Because I am rather thankful that thorns have roses. It gives our world some color and God who creates beauty knows we need some!

You are a slave either way

Last week someone shared a bible verse and left me ashamed of my ignorance of the one book I claim my faith to be based on. I have been Christian my entire life and have never read the bible from one end to another. However, the fictions pages that have passed through my hands would be more than 20 times the Bible. I mean, given that the Harry Potters have 1.39 times more words than the bible, I wouldn’t even know how to count the rest. Finishing the bible has become one of those new year’s resolutions; something I promise myself to accomplish before the year ends and never pass past February before giving up.

The fact that I always start by Genesis might explain the reason why I had never heard of what’s said in Romans 6:15-18. Paul talks about how we used to be slaves to sin but by God’s grace have become slaves to righteousness. So we stayed slaves either way since we have a master we surrender to and to that one we have to report.

When I look around me though-and inside me too…- I wouldn’t say that that’s what I see. I would define the world I live in as free from both. I live in a world where a man who directs a war for economic reasons is awarded the title of a man of peace. I live in this world where sexual intercourse has been renamed making love though most of us know that love is about such things as patience, selflessness, kindness and purity (We also know that some (most) making love has  got none of these things…). The world I live in has this way of caring for the poor but making sure that this last one stays poor(er) and his helper rich(er).

Even I would not define myself as a slave of anything. Sometimes I am so called to do right but  find myself doing the wrong that I don’t want to do instead of the good that I want to do ( I will leave you find the verse for this one). Does that mean that freedom hasn’t rung in us yet? However, do not think that only wrong always surprises me. Sometimes I also find myself doing the good that I hadn’t planned to do.